I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
worst night to have a conscience
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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