She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
