Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
