There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
