In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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