I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i think my cat just said my name.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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