I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
