And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
