You're completely useless in the revolution.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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