Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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