i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
