Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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