he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
