I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
