i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
