I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize