i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
