Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
