...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
