I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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