Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
