he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
