ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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