I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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