nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
