You smell like a Billy Joel song
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
