All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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