She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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