I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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