woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Shame - the story of my life.
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