pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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