i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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