I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
