I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
