btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The Olympian is in my bed
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