Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
