I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
