I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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