she was so not down for the gang bang
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
