It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
