i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As shirtless as possible
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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