That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
