Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize