Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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