Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
