I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
