Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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