I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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