therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it because I queefed?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
