i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
