Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
