So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
