So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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