When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
