You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
