I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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