oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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