i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
