Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
