Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
