My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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