I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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