1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize