Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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