So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
