so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
