Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
