Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
