I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
