Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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