I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
