if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
