im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
