shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
