You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Buhtt sex?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
