is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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